The Gormless Quayle

I miss Dan Quayle and his absolutely harmless idiocy. Don't you?...

My new cussword insult list

"Cocksucker" is one of those insults that hits hard, but it hits in the wrong direction. Culturally and historically it has been used as a put down that basically says "You are a homosexual and thus you are worthy of contempt". It drags a whole group of people who never did a thing to me into a fight they were not part of. It punches down, not out. Once I actually looked at the word instead of just using it for the sound, it stopped feeling sharp and started feeling lazy...

A fantasy... Donnie Is Gonna Learn Today!

The following is a purely fictional account that is not about any real person, living or dead, I promise. 

It resulted from a ChatGPT prompt that David Gerrold had used just to pass the time. I took the idea, ran it through Copilot, refining it as we went through several iterations and laughing my ass off and shaking my head all the way through.

Since it was David's idea, I got his permission before bastardizing it.

Really, this is fiction, and bears NO resemblance to real people, seriously!

Arachnophobia

I am a major arachnophobe. Show me a spider, I show you a woman having a panic attack, whimpering and staying in the center of the bed for safety from spider fangs. I am particularly terrified of tarantulas, the big hairy bastards.

Here in north Texas out in the boonies, we get one sneaking in the house occasionally. I generally freak out until my husband catches it and removes it from my house. But they're NOTHING compared to the opossum who somehow got in and spread our full trashcan all over the place. But the worst was that fucking giant white and yellow snake, about four feet long and rather girthy that it took two healthy teenage boys to lift from the top shelf of my pantry, and then carry out of the house.

I do not like living in a place where the wildlife just feels like it can come in and set up housekeeping. I fully expect to wake up one day and see a damn coyote curled up on the big dog bed. Or maybe a bobcat snoring on the couch.

Well, at least its not giant flying cockroaches, like in San Antonio.

The Greatest Peace Prize in the History of Peace: As told by Donald J Trump - Reblog Michael Jochum

Let me tell you something, folks, and the fake news is going to HATE this, but what happened tonight? Incredible. Historic. People are saying it may be the greatest honor ever given to a president. They’re calling it the “Peace Prize,” but really, it’s THE prize. The only prize. And honestly? It makes the Nobel Prize look like something you get in a cereal box...

THE “TOLLWAY OF DOUBLETHINK" (Reblog: Robert Hawks)

I was walking this morning, turning over yesterday’s little political vaudeville act in my head, Donald Trump stepping out with great fanfare to announce that, in the spirit of lowering your Thanksgiving grocery bill, he’s rescinding tariffs on agricultural imports.

Touching, right? 

Sonnet: Donnie the Diaper Man & JD the Wonder Nanny

 

Donnie the Diaper Man, a grown-up squish,

Parades in Pampers, proud and full of pride.

He fills his Depends with a toddler’s wish,

Then waddles off, unbothered, dignified.

His throne? A beanbag, crusted, damp, and low.

His scepter? Teething ring from '92.

He grunts, then calls for JD - “Time to go!”

The Wonder Nanny storms in, wipes in two.

He lifts Don's legs with grace and seasoned flair,

While humming lullabies through clenched regret.

He’s changed more men than diapers, unaware

That Donnie’s leaks are just the warm-up set.

So let this tale of shame and wipes be sung -

A man, a nanny, and a very damp bung.

Sonnet: Donny Sucking Down A Billy Dog Outside the Tasty Freeze

Outside the Freeze, where neon hums and spits,

Stands Donny, clutching glory in his grip -

A Billy dog, with mustard, relish bits,

Its sacred grease now glistening on his lip.

The summer dusk ignites the parking lot,

As Donny leans against the faded wall.

His supper? Just this dog, still piping hot,

A feast for kings, though humble in its sprawl.

He chews with reverence, a slow delight,

Each bite a hymn to hunger’s sweet release.

No need for forks, no napkin in the night -

Just Donny, sauce-stained, basking in his peace.

Let others chase their fame or gourmet dreams,

He’s found his joy in "Tasty Freeze" extremes.

That's my spot!

Romeo thinks he is Sheldon Cooper.

If Cubby is curled up next to me and Romeo decides it's time to be on the bed, the little shit starts yapping at Cubby "You're in my spot! YOU'RE IN MY SPOT!" until I tell Cubby he needs to move. Then Romeo jumps up and curls up in the spot. For two minutes, before he moves over to lay on my pillow.

He's an absolute little shit. But he's cute, so I allow him to live.

The Big Beautiful MRI (As told by Donald J Trump) REBLOG

They did the MRI, folks,  a tremendous MRI, probably the best anyone’s ever seen. The doctors came in, they said, “Sir, we’ve never seen anything like it.” They were amazed, actually, one of them had tears in his eyes, beautiful tears, because it was so perfect. Perfect symmetry, perfect everything. They said, “Sir, your MRI, it’s magnificent, like looking at the Mona Lisa if the Mona Lisa had a brain.”

You can't compare them!

 

It's not right to compare Trump to Hitler. It isn't. It just is NOT!

Not Another WORD, Mister!

 

I have just woken up.

Why is it that Sam expects me to be wide awake and able to make decisions and converse on current events when my brain is not fully booted up?

Twenty-one years of marriage and he still does not understand that just because I am upright with my eyes open does NOT mean that I am cognizant of a damn thing!

Men!

WANT!

 

Secret Coded Antifa Message - FBI, This Is Not For You!

The queen is on the move. Grandmother is going to the party. John has a very very VERY long mustache.

Pass the message on...

There are puns, and then there are bad puns.. but I repeat myself...

 

My mathematician husband just told me that I am his Abacus of Love... (look inside if you dare!)

ROFLCOPTERS!

 

SUCK it, Donnie, you bloviating douchebag!

SUCK it, HARD, Asshole!

 

Neener neener, motherfucker. The black man got the prize, YOU got impeached.

On your knees and SUCK it!

That is all.

Ah-Huh, Donnie. Sure you did.

From Yahoo News:

"Jackson, during a press conference at the White House in 2018, told reporters that Trump “has incredibly good genes, and it’s just the way God made him. I told the president that if he had a healthier diet over the last 20 years he might live to be 200 years old.”...

The age of sagging...

I vaguely remember having perky titties...

I mean, we DO hate him, but...

Live your life in such a way that if an escalator stops, you don't assume it's because people hate you.