As regards Eminem's penis. From Facebook.

Austin Clifton

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I'm curious about Eminem's penis. It may sound weird but hear me out when I say Something just doesn't line up with this man's junk. In 2000 on the Marshall Mathers LP on the track "Bitch Please I!" he opens his verse with "Aww, naww, big Slim Dogg. Eighty pound balls, dick six inch long". So we establish in the year 2000 his dick is six inches and his balls are 80 pounds. In the year 2018 though, on Kamikaze he says "Wait, got the eeriest feelin', somethin' evil is lurkin' I'm no conspiracy theorist but somethin' here is a foot. Oh yeah, it's my dick" so now we know his dick is a foot. So in 18 years his dick has doubled in size. Here's where it gets weird. On his song "Big Weenie" in 2004 off of his album

"Encore" he states "my weenie is much bigger than yours.

Mine is like stickin' a banana between two oranges" the average size of a banana is around 7.5 inches. Meaning yes it grows. Now we've confirmed that it grew gradually and not instantly. What raises my concern about SlimShadys genitals is his balls. The average weight of an apple is.33 pounds. So two balls relative to apples would be .77 pounds. In just 4 years Eminems balls shrunk to about 0.83% of the original weight but in 18 years his penis doubled in size. Growth and loss of weight aside, its so irregular can't help but ask

"what is wrong with Eminems Balls?"

Simon Tonkin said:

Your research is incomplete and therefore your conclusions are in need of adjustment. In the song "as the world turns" in the Marshal Mathers LP he describes his penis as being able to "...hit the ground and ain't no doubt about it. It caused an earthquake and a power outage."

Eminem is around 5'8'' tall. That puts his penis and balls at a height of around 3'5'' ish give it take from the ground. In order for his Penis to cause an Earthquake when flopped from such a height, it would need a staggering mass of around 146,000,000 metric tons in order to generate a noticable earthquake of around 3.0.

Such mass and implied length suggests a gigantic differencen between Eminem's penis in that song compared to those depicted in his later works.

This leads us to only one logical and proper conclusion. Eminem is actually an insect of a family closely related to the Papilionoformes. His schlong has undergone several biological metamorphosis, not unlike that of an actual butterfly as it assumes form after form after form. Every few years his penis retracts into its silky cocoon, emerging in time for the next album release a new vision of itself. Truly one of the wonders of the natural world and a marvel.