Biblical Bullshit: The Full Catalog of Biblical Incest

The Bible is hailed as the ultimate moral guide, a divine instruction manual for righteous living. But if you actually read the damn thing, what you get is a parade of incestuous unions, patriarchal loopholes, and divine silence that would make any modern ethics board spontaneously combust.

If you still think the Bible is a moral guide, buckle up. This isn’t a gentle unpacking, it’s a full forensic catalog of incest, hypocrisy, and divine silence. From father-daughter drunken sex to cousin marriages passed off as holy lineage, scripture reads like a family reunion hosted in a crime scene. Every name, every blood tie, every moral contradiction laid bare. No cherry-picking. No apologetics. Just the sacred mess, documented and salted for clarity.

Below is the full catalog of incest in the Bible, narrative, inferred, and genealogical. Every name, every blood tie, every moral contradiction that I could track down. Salted. Biblically documented. Undeniable.

DIRECT NARRATIVE CASES (Explicit or Strongly Implied)

1. Lot + His Daughters  

   - Relationship: Father/daughters  

   - Reference: Genesis 19:30–38  

   - Consanguinity: 1st degree  

   - Notes: Daughters get Lot drunk and sleep with him. Twice. Sons born: Moab and Ben-Ammi. No divine punishment. Just legacy.

2. Abraham + Sarah  

   - Relationship: Half-siblings  

   - Reference: Genesis 20:12  

   - Consanguinity: 2nd degree  

   - Notes: Married. Praised. Would be banned under Leviticus. God’s chosen incest.

3. Reuben + Bilhah  

   - Relationship: Son/father’s concubine  

   - Reference: Genesis 35:22  

   - Consanguinity: Stepmother  

   - Notes: Reuben sleeps with Jacob’s concubine. Condemned in Genesis 49:4.

4. Amnon + Tamar  

   - Relationship: Half-brother/half-sister  

   - Reference: 2 Samuel 13  

   - Consanguinity: 2nd degree  

   - Notes: Rape. David does nothing. God says nothing. Absalom kills Amnon.

5. Judah + Tamar  

   - Relationship: Father-in-law/daughter-in-law  

   - Reference: Genesis 38  

   - Consanguinity: Affinal  

   - Notes: Tamar disguises herself. Judah sleeps with her. She gets pregnant. No rebuke.

6. Corinthian Man + Stepmother  

   - Relationship: Stepson/father’s wife  

   - Reference: 1 Corinthians 5:1  

   - Consanguinity: Affinal  

   - Notes: Paul condemns it. One of the few times incest gets called out.

INFERRED OR GENEALOGICAL CASES (Early Humanity, Patriarchal Lineage)

7. Cain + His Wife  

   - Relationship: Sibling or niece  

   - Reference: Genesis 4:17  

   - Consanguinity: 1st or 2nd degree  

   - Notes: No other humans mentioned. Population logic demands incest.

8. Seth + His Wife  

   - Relationship: Sibling or niece  

   - Reference: Genesis 4:25–26  

   - Consanguinity: 1st or 2nd degree  

   - Notes: Same population constraint. No condemnation.

9. Noah’s Sons + Their Wives  

   - Relationship: Nephews/aunts or cousins  

   - Reference: Genesis 6:18  

   - Consanguinity: Unknown but intra-family  

   - Notes: Humanity rebooted via incest. Divine plan.

10. Isaac + Rebekah  

    - Relationship: First cousins once removed  

    - Reference: Genesis 24:15  

    - Consanguinity: 3rd degree  

    - Notes: Rebekah is granddaughter of Abraham’s brother.

11. Jacob + Leah/Rachel  

    - Relationship: First cousins  

    - Reference: Genesis 29  

    - Consanguinity: 3rd degree  

    - Notes: Sisters. Daughters of Laban, Rebekah’s brother.

12. Esau + Mahalath  

    - Relationship: First cousins  

    - Reference: Genesis 28:9  

    - Consanguinity: 3rd degree  

    - Notes: Mahalath is daughter of Ishmael, Abraham’s son.

13. David + Michal  

    - Relationship: First cousins  

    - Reference: 1 Samuel 18:27  

    - Consanguinity: 3rd degree  

    - Notes: Michal is daughter of Saul, David’s uncle.

14. David + Abigail  

    - Relationship: Possibly cousin  

    - Reference: 1 Samuel 25  

    - Consanguinity: Unknown  

    - Notes: Lineage debated. Likely kin.

15. Solomon + Royal Wives  

    - Relationship: Foreign and possibly kin  

    - Reference: 1 Kings 11  

    - Consanguinity: Political incest  

    - Notes: Hundreds of wives. Royal alliances often involved family ties.

LEGAL PROHIBITIONS (Leviticus 18 & 20)

Leviticus bans sex with:

- Parent or child

- Sibling (full or half)

- Grandparent or grandchild

- Aunt/uncle and niece/nephew

- In-laws (father’s wife, brother’s wife)

- Step-relations (stepmother, stepsister)

- Mother and daughter simultaneously

These laws were written long after the patriarchs had already built Israel’s bloodline on incest, because Gawd hadn't sorted his shit out yet. Or something. Retroactive morality isn’t morality, it’s damage control.

THEOLOGICAL WHIPLASH

What’s condemned in Leviticus is celebrated in Genesis. What’s punished in Corinth is ignored in Jerusalem. The Bible doesn’t offer a timeless moral code, it offers a tribal mess of shifting standards, divine favoritism, and incestuous legacy-building.

If incest is wrong, then the Bible is guilty. If incest is wrong in Leviticus, it sure as shit is wrong in Genesis, and an omniscient God would have made that clear THEN instead as an OH! By the WAY! generations later. If morality is absolute, then scripture is a contradiction. And if this book is supposed to guide our ethics, we’d better be ready to explain why God’s favorites kept marrying their fucking cousins, raping their sisters, and sleeping with their stepmothers without so much as a divine slap on the wrist.

So, yeah, it turns out the Bible is just chock full of incest. It goes beyond the obvious "oops, got my dad drunk" moments and is a recurring theme in the patriarchs' lives, especially with cousins. It was the preferred way to do things before the laws in Leviticus came along and said, "Okay, we have enough people now, maybe don't bang your relatives."

The Bible may be sacred. But it’s not clean. And it sure as FUCK isn’t consistent.

This is the first in a series of Biblical Bullshit articles in the works.