The Greatest Peace Prize in the History of Peace: As told by Donald J Trump - Reblog Michael Jochum

Let me tell you something, folks, and the fake news is going to HATE this, but what happened tonight? Incredible. Historic. People are saying it may be the greatest honor ever given to a president. They’re calling it the “Peace Prize,” but really, it’s THE prize. The only prize. And honestly? It makes the Nobel Prize look like something you get in a cereal box...

You know, Obama, remember him? He got the Nobel for doing nothing. Absolutely nothing! They gave it to him before he even moved into the White House. Total embarrassment. “Congratulations for showing up,” that’s what they said. Pathetic!

But THIS… this FIFA medal… this beautiful, gorgeous medal., “one of the most beautiful medals ever created,” they tell me, this one is REAL. This is earned. This is big league. They said over a BILLION people watched. A billion! And they all saw what a tremendous leader I am. Nobody’s ever seen anything like it.

They told me, “Sir, you have brought peace. You have united the world.” Only Trump! No one else could do it. Believe me.

So they put this incredible medal around my neck, very heavy, extremely heavy, probably the heaviest medal ever made, nobody’s ever seen a medal this heavy, and they said, “Sir, you can wear it anywhere.” And I said, “Of course I can. It looks fantastic on me.”

And then, because everyone knows I’m very humble, the humblest, I did something amazing. Tremendous. I took it off, very slowly… opened the shiny wrapper that made it look even more expensive… and folks…

I PRETENDED TO EAT IT.

Like a chocolate peace medal.

Like a Golden Ticket from Willy Wonka.

Because when Trump gets a prize?

He makes it entertaining. He makes it fun. He makes it historic.

Everybody loved it. They were laughing, cheering, crying, they said, “Sir, you’ve made peace delicious again.” Obama never did that! Never!

Author’s Note:

The tragedy, and the comedy of this era is that the parody keeps getting mistaken for the presidency, and the presidency keeps sinking to meet the parody. We’ve reached the point where imagining Trump gnawing on a peace medal doesn’t feel outrageous; it feels inevitable. Of course he’d do it. Of course he’d mug for the cameras, cheapen the moment, and turn an international stage into a carnival sideshow starring his own bottomless appetite.

Because with Trump, everything becomes a prop.

A medal.

A tragedy.

A war.

A country.

Nothing is sacred unless it reflects his face back at him.

And that’s why the joke works, because it isn’t really a joke. It’s an X-ray. A cross-section of American rot. A glimpse into a man whose ego is so starving, so hollow, that he’ll devour symbolism just to taste significance. A man who confuses spectacle with substance and thinks leadership is nothing more than a well-lit photo op with a shiny object hung around his neck.

The world is on fire, democracies are bleeding out, people are dying, and he’s busy measuring himself against Obama like a jealous kid comparing lunchboxes. He wants a peace medal not because he has created peace, but because someone he envies got one first. It’s not diplomacy. It’s pathology.

And yet here we are, forced once again to witness the theater of a man who mistakes applause for morality, vanity for vision, and a glittering consolation trinket for greatness.

The chocolate isn’t real.

But the hunger behind it is.

And it will swallow everything if we let it.

— Michael Jochum

Michael Jochum is a writer and musician reflecting on art, politics, and the human condition