Prophets, Profits, and Predatory Pyramids

TL;DR: MLMs are a predatory plague that feast on women's insecurities and social lives. Utah is the giant, culty heart of this scam, where missionary tactics are repurposed to sell overpriced essential oils and ugly leggings.

The Pink Tax of Shilling

These MLMs love to wrap themselves in a "feminist" flag, but they are just soul-sucking parasites. They go straight for the jugular of stay-at-home moms with some seriously manipulative bullshit:

* The Work from Home Lie: They promise you can "be a CEO" while wiping a toddler’s ass. It is a trap that plays on the guilt of motherhood while draining the family bank account. 

* Weaponized Friendship: This is the part that really pisses me off. They teach women to treat every friend like a goddamn mark. It turns "coffee with a girlfriend" into a predatory sales pitch, and when the business inevitably tanks, the friendships are already dead.

* Lifestyle Gaslighting: These assholes tell you to "fake it till you make it." So you have women posting about their "blessed" lives on Instagram while they are actually drowning in credit card debt and a garage full of inventory they can't move.

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The "Mormon Connection"

It’s no accident that Utah is the world headquarters for this garbage. The link between the LDS Church and these pyramid schemes is a match made in hell:

1. The Utah Hub

You have companies like doTERRA, Young Living, and LuLaRoe all huddled together in Utah. It is a goddamn breeding ground for every "get rich quick" scheme known to man.

2. From Missions to Markets

Imagine taking 19-year-olds and training them to handle constant rejection and door-to-door proselytizing for two years. Once they get home, they are the perfect little soldiers for recruitment. They already know how to "close" a deal on someone who isn't interested.

3. The Prosperity Gospel Bullshit

There is this gross cultural idea that if you’re rich, God loves you more. This makes it way too easy for some predatory asshole to frame a scam as a "divine blessing" for your hard work and faith.

4. The Built-in Downline

MLMs thrive on trust, and LDS communities are tight. When a "sister" from the ward tells you this magic juice cured her kid’s cold, you’re supposed to believe her. It’s a goldmine for recruiters who don't mind burning through their congregation for a few extra bucks.

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The Expensive Lesson

I've been through the ringer with these vultures, cycling through everything from the old-school heavy hitters like Amway, Shaklee, Mary Kay, and Avon to the newer waves like Jamberry, and Paparazzi. Over the years, I watched thousands of my hard-earned dollars vanish into the pockets of the assholes at the top of the pyramid. I was sold a dream, but I ended up paying a massive "membership fee" to a club that only ever wanted my money and my contacts. It feels like I spent a lifetime furthering their reach, and quite frankly, the world deserves an apology for the tiny bit of oxygen I gave these dumpster fires while I was just trying to keep my head above water.

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The Bottom Line

The numbers don't lie, even if the "Boss Babes" do. Roughly 99% of people who join an MLM lose money. The only people getting rich are the assholes at the top of the pyramid in Utah, while everyone else is left holding the bag. Don't be stupid. Save your money in an interest bearing savings account. If you are at a traditional brick-and-mortar giant (like Chase or BofA), you are likely seeing a pathetic 0.01%. At that rate, you'd earn about $1 a year on a $10,000 balance. Trust me, you'll earn more money this way than with the latest MLM.