Beyond the Lip Service

 

I remember the first time I saw Boy George. It was 1981 or 82, I honestly forget which. I was in a bar with my guy, Scott, having a beer, and they had MTV on. Do You Really Wanna Hurt Me came on, and I saw Boy George and my jaw hit the fucking floor and I started laughing in hysterics.

I was utterly astounded that this queer looking guy had the sheer guts to be on TV dressed like a woman. I was amazed that MTV allowed it on their programming. I was too caught up in staring at him and being half amazed, half grossed out, to notice that that motherfucker could SING. I think back now to how I felt, how I was kind of horrified and freaked out, and I think...

"Jesus FUCK I had a long road ahead of me to accepting people for who they are and realizing that the exterior doesn't mean shit. That being queer is no big either way, neither good nor bad, it just IS. Rather like being straight. Straight is not a morality, neither is queer."

It took me a very long time to learn this lesson. In fact, it wasn't until I was in my 50s and my own kids were coming out as trans and/or queer, for me to finally examine my own feelings on the whole issue and stop being somebody who just gave lip service to being an ally and actually began living it. I thought that having LGBTQIA+ friends meant that I had major queer cred, and I was too dense to realize that I sounded and acted just like somebody who said things like "I'm not racist, some of my best friend are n******s." 

It took my kids cutting loose from me for a few years for me to wake the fuck up and realize that my thinking on the whole matter was absolutely fucked up and needed to change drastically.

It's been an interesting journey. I've learned a lot of things about myself, about the world, about my kids, my friends, about a ton of things. I'm richer for it all.

It’s funny how MTV and Boy George were such a massive cultural shock back then. In '82, seeing that level of androgyny was like seeing someone from another planet, especially if you were just sitting in a bar in Boston trying to have a beer. He was the catalyst for a lot of people, though not everyone had the epiphany that I eventually did.

Thank you, Boy George, for beginning my awakening. And thank you to my kids, for loving me tough and bringing it to maturity.